"You make a decision and you stick to it until you get exactly what you want. I feel like you're not letting it become what it wants to become in planning everything..."
That is what my mentor told me in a critique two weeks ago. That is what has been haunting me for two weeks solid. Especially when I realized its not just my art that I plan out, its my entire life. Everything is planned, even when I'm not planning I'm planning. I never really thought that planning was a bad thing, and for somethings I'm certain it's not, however I'm out of control with my planning. I want to know what I'm missing while I'm busy planning. I want to be able to enjoy the here and now and not only get enjoy end results, I want to enjoy the journey. Isn't that what they say: "life's a journey, enjoy the ride" or something like that. Well I don't get to enjoy the ride because I'm busy planning it and trying to navigate it.
I didn't used to be like this, I was once a curious little wanderer, never knowing where I'd go and being comfortable in that. But the pressure to become an adult and "responsible" made me cave and I became another drone zipping and zooming through life trying to get my piece of paper so I could move into a career. Suddenly I'm 25 and realizing I've spent more time being stressed out than I have just enjoying life. Aristotle basically says that in order to get to the mean one has to strive to become the opposite extreme. I'm planning to not plan in hopes that I get to that perfect middle ground.
So this is it. The only plan I have is to try my best not to plan. To live day by day instead of years ahead. Open my eyes and see what's out there, and what's right in front of me that I never saw before. I would like to share photos of those things, since I'm a photographer, but I'm not going to even plan on that, because I'm not planning.
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